So here’s the long story cut short: you worked hard to turn in an essay, you sniffed at those who couldn’t wait for the grades to come out because you told yourself the work is the end in itself, your grade came out as first class, your heart lightened but you only felt truly gratified when praised and complimented by your peers who just learned about your grades.
I caught myself in this feeling and didn’t know what to make of it. I’m confused of the way I was supposed to feel, whether I’m feeling the ‘right way’. My mind is baffled by two questions:
1: Why did I not find fulfilment and gratification in the process like I have always made myself believe? Apparently in the story I have become someone I despise, chasing after the destination, being dazzled by its glare thus seem to forget about the journey.
2: Why did I need compliments from others to reach the stage of utmost pride and delight for my achievements?
It’s university not high school anymore. Your accomplishments reflect in your knowledge not your scores, don’t they?
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